The Girls vs The Akatsuki
by mankeyiz
Summary: It all started with a normal day, a visit to a friend in the neighboring town goes wrong, three girls end up being the maids of the Akatsuki, Kakuzu gets a business partner, Sasori and Deidara no longer fight over art but an artistic girl, Kisame becomes the cool guy and Pein wakes up one morning to find his desk smashed by a car... Yup, this is a total normal day.
1. The Girls vs The Hole

** The girls vs The akatsuki**

Three girls get lost in the mountains and end up flying off a cliff, right into the worst place after hell. AKA the akatsuki's hideout. Read to find out how Pein wakes up one morning to find his desk smashed by a car and how three girls end up being the akatsuki's maids in exchange for they're lives.

* * *

** Character profile :**

**Miroko Kobayashi :**

19 year old Japanese girl, who sadly doesn't know any Japanese ( colorful words don't count ). Loves black, blood , skulls, reading and pretzels. Hates snakes, pink and disco songs. Never had her first kiss and cannot tolerate alcohol. She is a A blood type, and has a good sense of smell.

What most people call 'goth'.

**Gabrielle Martin :**

19 1/2 french girl, who can fluently speak English, french, German and Spanish. Loves dresses, pink, birds and cupcakes. Hates dirty stuff, smelly stuff and not taking at least one shower a day. Has had more kisses than she can count and has a collection of shoes, purses, and make 's a B blood type, and is very observant.

What most people call 'the smart popular cheerleader'.

**Wendy Stevenson :**

19 year old American girl, who will always defend a friend in need. Loves every color, mammals, basket ball, sleeping late, and her sneakers. Hates bugs, dark waters, studying and getting up in the morning. Has had her first kiss and nothing more than that. She is the only one that can drive. She's a AB blood type. She has a split personality and is creepy when her second half comes out.

What most people call 'the normal kid'

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**Chapter 1 :**** the girls vs the hole**

" We're lost, we are so freaking lost " a girl said while trying to read a map

" Shut up ! We aren't lost... we're just taking a small ... detour " another girl said trying to stay on the road

" How is 'going to visit a friend in the neighboring city but somehow ending up on a freaking mountain road ' be taking a small detour ?! Please explain !"

" I wanted to try a different route "

As the two girls in the front fought, the girl in the back was looking dully at out the windshield.

" Guys... we're about to fly off the cliff " the girl in the back finally said

" Not now Miroko " they both said continuing their fight

This time a little louder " Guys we are about to fly off a cliff "

Wendy looked up and noticed that they were in fact going to fly off a cliff.

" AHHHHHHH ! " Wendy screamed hitting the breaks

CRASH

the car rammed into the rail and went over the side of the cliff.

Both girls started to scream " AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ! "

" Do cars fly ? " Miroko asked, not having an ounce of worry on her face.

They both looked at her with " WTF" looks on there faces " No Miroko, cars do not fly"

" Oh, too bad that means we're going to fall right into that hole "

" what hole ? " Miroko pointed out the window, they both looked and there was indeed a big black hole right where the car was going to land.

Wendy and Gabrielle looked at Miroko who was all calm and decided that they to should stay calm.

Miroko looked down at her hands and let out a huge sigh " I never got to use my voodoo doll "

Wendy looked at her necklace and said " I never got to beat the shit out of John for cheating on me "

Gabrielle looked at her nails and said " I never got to finish painting my nails "

After one final group hug, the car went in the black hole and the girls peacefully died. Not

* * *

THUD... THUD...THUD

All three girls found themselves in a really disgusting kitchen. Wendy and Miroko were keeping quiet while Gabrielle was screaming like someone who was about to give birth.

" shut up Gabi ! " Wendy said putting her hand on Gabi's mouth. A few seconds later they heard footsteps. They all jumped, and tried to find a good hiding spot.

Wendy got into the cabinet, Gabi got under a counter and Miroko...? Miroko somehow manage to get into the fridge. ( don't ask how )

The door to the kitchen opened and a large group of people came in.

" It looks and smells even worse than last week. " groaned some dude

" Who's turn is it to clean, un ?! "exclaimed another

" Tobi's " yet another said, sweat dropping

" That would explain a lot... " the only female voice said

Another person walked in and the room went silent.

" ENOUGH ABOUT WHO'S TURN IT IS TO CLEAN AND FIND THE INTRUDERS "

We tensed, and crossed whatever we had on us. Fingers, toes, hair, shoe laces, legs and stuff you don't want to read. Gabi was the first to be found. Some blond three mouth terrorist grabbed her by the leg and dragged to the center the room.

" STOP ! MY NAILS ! ! OUCH ! YOU WRECKED MY ART ! YOU'RE GONNA PAY ! " she grabbed the closest thing she could reach. A hard metal broom stick. And threw it full force, aiming for the blond terrorist. He easily dodge it, but I can't say the same for the immortal zombie behind him, who received it right in his family jewels.

A scream that can't be described was let loose

Gabrielle used the groups distraction to make a run for it. Sadly, her shoe got stuck on some old gum and tripped.

THUD

" owwwwww..." she rubbed her forehead and felt something sticky smelly, she looked at her fingers and it was some very old sticky, smelly, yellowish substance. Another indescribable scream was let loose.

That got the groups attention again and the so called leader sounded pissed again. " Go and find the other intruders before I shred you into tiny pieces and feed you to Zetsu " a dark aura was forming around him and everyone shut up.

A blue shark-ish human stepped forward and walked passed the fridge and opened the cabinet door. A girl came out, grabbing onto the blue shark-ish dude's leg

" RUN ! SAVE YOURSELVES ! " she yelled biting down on the attacker's leg. The blue man yelled and tried to shake Wendy off.

" Will do ! Your sacrifice wont be forgotten " Gabi yelled running towards the exit, leaving her fallen buddy.

" No, wait for me ! Come back ! Wendy yelled letting go of the leg and trying to

run away, totally forgetting about the girl in the fridge.

Sadly for them, they were two very lazy girls against ten very criminal-ish ninjas. Still, they tried their best to somewhat try to escape. Again totally forgetting the one in the fridge.

SLAM

the fridge door flew open and a girl with black and purple hair came out shivering " IT'S COLD IN THERE ! "

The whole room was staring at her as she slowly made her way the her friends.

She sat down between Wendy and Gabi and said " you can continue what you guys where doing "

Wendy and Gabi both face palmed

" ERM " the leader cleared his throat " now where we ... Oh yes " he turned to a red eyed dude " torture them until they cooperate " he then took his leave.

* * *

The akatsuki moved to the living room, not wanting to stay in the smelly kitchen.

" Whats your names ? " an orange masked man asked

" Wendy "

" Gabi "

" Miroko ... Are you gonna kill us ? "

A half naked guy answered " Fuck ya ! I'm gonna sacrifice you to Jashin "

" oh ... Ar-"

" We ask the questions " Itachi cut in " how did you get into the hideout ?"

" a magical black hole " all three answered

The room went silent for a couple of minutes then " LET'S KILL THEM ! " As all three girls screamed and tried to mentally prepare themselves for their imminent death, when Konan stepped in.

" You know since they already know where the hideout is, they can become our house cleaners and this place would actually look and smell decent, just and idea ….. oh and don't kill them Leader wants to see them in his office after " and with that she left like Pein did in the kitchen.

The whole group went into a fit of whispers. "Tobi's stuffed bears could get washed !" "No more fucking blood stains in the bathtubs " "My fish tank will be see through again !" "My art won't get dirt all over it, un !" "We would save money on new clothes !" "new sheets are welcome" "We would see the floor" … " Oooooooooooooooooh see the flooooooor"

The group turned their attention back to the three girls. " It's been decided that you guys will be our new house keepers/maids." The next thing they knew, they we're in Leader's office... where they found their car and a really pissed off looking Leader.

"Hello Leader-sama, we are your new maids, please take care of us " we said in an awful kiss-ass way

"What is this 'thing' that is crushing my paperwork ?" he asked

"A car Leader-sama, Wendy's hard earned car also know as Wendy's car" As if seeing her car all smashed and beat up wasn't enough Pein did an Almighty Push and blasted the car out the hole it came from, a loud crashing sound was heard a couple of seconds later, followed by the sound of an explosion

Wendy was about to beat Pein into a bloody pulp when Miroko grabbed her. " I don't wanna die yet..."

Granting her friend's wish, Wendy didn't go into her split life dangering personality.

Pein turned around and now gave his full attention to the girls. "Why are you standing there ! Go clean !" And as Pein walked us to the door, our very non-normal life turned upside down.

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**To be continued ….**


	2. The Girls vs A Permanent Job

**Disclamer : **I do not own Naruto or anything related it, but I do own** Miroko, Gabrielle and Wendy.**

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**Chapter 2 : The Girls vs A Permanent Job**

Cleaning, one of the world's most annoying chore. And having to clean a whole hideout doesn't help, at all. ( no offense to those who like cleaning )

**SLAM **

Miroko, Gabrielle and Wendy stood there for a while before realizing what had just happened. Their once almost normal life just got a whole lot worse, they went from almost regular students in an almost regular school to being the maids of a the awesome, cool, strong, crazy, hot, criminal Akatsuki.

It was only when a certain blond guy version of Ino came walking by that they finally started getting to work.

"So Wendy, are you gonna beat the shit out of Pein for destroying even more your hard earned precious car ?" asked a curious Miroko.

" Nah, I'll just clean his room so well that it'll make him blind, and more prone to diseases." answered a proud, teeth shinning Wendy.

"Could we get to work guys... cuz I feel 9 pair of eyes trying to glare holes into our heads..." shivered Gabrielle.

XxX

Three. Three was the number of days it took to clean the whole hideout. Three hundred was the number of trash bags it took to get rid of all the trash, including old socks, boxers, random junk, parts of dead bodies ( human and animal ) etc... Three was the number of people it took to clean it all. Three was the number of times the girls had to wipe down the windows, the floors and walls before they started to shine. Basically, three was their number, they've known each other for three years and each barely avoid getting killed at least three times.

" LEADER-SAMA ! WE'RE DONE !" yelled all three girls, knocking down Pein's office door and running towards his desk.

Pein just stood up and started inspecting their jobs. At the end he called an emergency meeting, telling all of the members to meet up in the meeting room.

XxX

The meeting room was nothing like Gabrielle and Wendy imagined. The first thing was is was in the the training room, around an old worn out Ping-Pong table, Miroko was serving some strange green drink ( no it's not Mountain Dew ) with some old looking shrimp chips and Hidan was getting his arm chewed off by the giant carnivorous plant sitting next to the window. Every once in a while Miroko would send him over a towel and a bucket to not get blood on the floor.

Wendy and Gabrielle looked around and tried not to smile too much with their personal knowledge on each and every member. Thankfully, Miroko sat in between them and dully stared off into space - it wasn't her first meeting with high ups. Konan and Pein were somewhere in the office getting some papers done, Tobi was staring at Miroko, Deidara was making some explosive clay spit balls, Sasori was using his puppet strings to cut Deidara's hair, Itachi and Kisame were playing mental thumb war, Hidan was still getting his arm chewed up by a carnivorous plant, Kakuzu was counting some coins and Zetsu was eating someone's leg.

Gabrielle could tell it was a woman's leg, it wasn't hairy and it had neon pink nail polish. She said to herself to look at some hot, bad ass, criminal, smart guys than the leg.

Konan came in, but only with a stack of paper and scrolls. Five minutes later, Pein finally came in and sat down in his chair. " Let's get this meeting over with." Pein said " Tobi, stop staring at whatever her name it-"

"IT'S MIROKO !" she sent him a deadly glare.

He returned it ten fold " Tobi stop staring at Miroko-san, Deidara stop spitting your clay spit balls into Tobi's ear, Sasori don't cut Deidara's hair,"

" SEMPAI ! HOW COULD YOU ! " whined Deidara

" Shut up Deidara ! Now, Itachi and Kisame stop glaring at each other... Kisame won-"

" TAKE THAT ITACHI-SAN ! " exclaimed Kisame

" You too shut up ! Hidan could you please st-...never mind, Kakuzu put that money away before I take it from you and Zetsu...please stop eating human body parts in this room."

The members muttered their yes in forms of grunts. " Thank you. Now, as you can see, Miroko and her... friends cleaned the hideout pretty well and they even did our laundry, say thank you."

"..." Nobody spoke, nobody opened their mouths. Miroko and Wendy glared at them. And were glared at in return.

" Now that that's done, let's start the true meaning of this meeting. I, Pein, Awesome Leader of the Badass Akatsuki was having a hard time deciding whether we keep them as our maids, cleaning lady's or whatever you call them, or whether we kill them now on the spot and take the risk of having to find some other cleaning lady's. So, raise your hand if you want them to stay."

Kisame, Tobi, Konan, Zetsu, Sasori and Kakuzu raised their hands. " Now for those who want to kill them." Hidan and Deidara raised their hand. " Looks like they're keepers."

" WAIT FUCKIN' MINUTE ! WHY THE FUCK DO YOU GUYS WANT THEM FUCKIN' TO STAY ! " yelled Hidan, ripping his arm out of the plant and jumping on the table.

" They cleaned my fish tanks, and Wendy called me 'cool' " answered Kisame, jabbing his thumb proudly into his chest.

" TOBI THINKS THEY ARE NICE ! THEY GAVE TOBI ALL THE OLD COOKIES !...TOBI FEELS A LITTLE SICK THOUGH" Tobi fell on the floor and passed out.

"It feels nice to have some girl company sometimes..."

" They cleaned the greenhouse and **added a small fridge in the kitchen with 'Zetsu's food' **on it" the white side smiled while the dark took another bite out of the leg.

" They don't make a bunch of noise and they apparently hate that bitch, Sakura Haruno" ( this time, no offense to those who like Sakura )

" They are free and they gave me some money from their world." Kakuzu resumed his conversation with Wendy to see how much it's worth in the Naruto world.

" ARE YOU GUYS FUCKING RETARDED OR SOMETHING WHY DON'T WE KILL THEM HERE AND NOW !"

" HIDAN, SHUT THE HELL UP I CAN'T HERE WHAT WENDY'S SAYING !" yelled Miroko

" WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TELLING TO FUCKING SHUT UP !" he yelled back

" WHO ELSE HAS THE LAMEST FUCKING NAME 'HIDAN' IN THIS ROOM ! USE YOUR BRAIN A LITTLE YOU DAMN ZOMBIE PIGMAN !"

" DIE YOU BIT-" Hidan was about to jump and kill Miroko when Pein stood up and his hair started to flare up.

" **SHUT UP ! WILL ALL OF YOU SIT YOUR ASSES DOWN AND SHUT THE HELL UP FOR A MINUTE BEFORE I PUSH AND PULL YOU ALL TO DEATH !" **

Everyone in the room shut up and sat back down. " Good now that all you are calm down, I anonce that these three girls are part of the Akatsuki, not as deadly member just as cleaners. So no they cannot be : sacrificed ; sold to death ; turned into shark bait ; delusional pain ; pushed and pulled to death ; paper cut to death ; turned into explosive art ; " TOBI IS A GOOD BOY" to death or simply eaten by a man/plant. You guys got that ?"

Once again they grunted their 'yes'. " You are dismissed" The whole room came alive. For the exception of Pein, Itachi and Konan, all the members were busy talking or cursing ( Hidan ….) to one of the girls.

Sasori and Deidara ( who was forced to like Gabrielle ) were talking about art. Zetsu was helping Tobi out , Wendy was talking money to Kakuzu and of course Hidan and Miroko were busy cussing at each other, using languages that they didn't even understand. " I DARE YOU TO CALL ME A ZOMBIE PIGMAN AGAIN, GO !"

" YOU DUMB ZOMBIE PIGMAN, SALE CON, ESTA UNA PUTA, SON OF A BITCH, IS THAT ENOUGH YOU DAMN BAST-" Miroko was cut off by Wendy's hand. " OKAY THAT'S ENOUGH FOR YOU, TIME FOR BED"

" BUT I'M NOT TIRED !"

" HAHAHA YOU GOT TOLD TO GO TO BED ! SERVES YOU RIGHT YA FUCKING BITCH !"

"HIDAN !" Konan's voice boomed throughout the hideout "GOT TO BED !"

" WHAT ?! YOU'RE NOT MY MOM !"

"BUT THIS IS MY PLACE ! MY PLACE, MY RULES ! YOU IN MY PLACE, YOU FOLLOW MY RULES ! YOU KNOW WHAT, ALL OF YOU GO TO BED"

"WHAT !...FINE... HIDAN YOU'RE SO DEAD." all the members ran after Hidan, swearing to kill him the moment he becomes mortal.

" Now you girls, I am so sorry but you'll have to sleep in the basement, attic or garden, you see there are no room."

"Could we bunk with the guys ?"

" Sure ! That's a great idea, but I get to place you !" Morgan began to pray. " Wendy you bunk with Kisame and Itachi." Wendy cried out of joy " Gabrielle you bunk with Sasori and Deidara. "Gabrielle didn't care "Oh Miroko, I feel so sorry for you, you either bunk with Hidan and Kakuzu or Zetsu and Tobi."

" Hidan and Kakuzu" She answered

"So fast, are you sure ?"

" I don't like Tobi very much."

" Very well good-night." With that Konan's booming voice left the room and everything went silent.

The girls said good-night and went to their designated room.

XxX

Miroko was the first to arrive, she entered the room and saw an empty bed just waiting for her. She hopped in and started snuggling against the blankets. Just then, the owner of the bed, came out of his shower.

" Hidan, Miroko took your spot." those were Kakuzu's last word before he fell asleep.

" What are you doing in my bed ?"

" Konan put me in here so don't bother me."

" You've got to be kidding me."

" zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzz"

)( - Pissed off Hidan

" Get out of my bed before I fuckin sacrifice you to Jashin"

" ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"

" That's it." he was ready to launch himself at Miroko when she held her finger up and fished something out of her pocket.

"Kakuzu, if you make Hidan leave me alone to sleep in peace I'll give you 20$." Kakuzu was out of his bed, he chopped Hidan's head off and threw him out the window. He put his hand out and waited for his reward.

" Wow... you love money. Here's a tip for doing it fast." She handed him the 20$ bill and gave a 5$ tip.

"You know how to bargain, young lady. We will get along just fine. Good-night."

XxX

Gabrielle, had no problem finding the room, nor did she have problems to find a bed to sleep on.

"Excuse me. Konan said I can sleep here." She slowly entered the room. One half of the room were full of clay and crap while the other was filled with puppets, gears and some more puppet crap. She could see someone sleeping on one of the beds.

" You can have my bed. I don't sleep." Sasori announced.

" Thank you."

XxX

Wendy was the only one not to sleep in a bed that night. Simply because, her new roommates were already sleeping.

'_should I sleep on the floor ? Or should I kick someone out of their bed ? Or maybe even sleep with one of them ?' _

She opted for the most reasonable and safest answer, she slept on the floor. The hard wood floor, with no cover or blanket.

_'May the god of the floor and comfort help me sleep peacefully'. _Her prayer was not answered.

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_**To be continued.**_

**A/N : ** Sorry for the messed up ending I'm just so tired and I wanted to get the chapter posted as soon as possible. Please forgive me as I fall asleep on my keyboard. Please Review !


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